AuntyB and Grandmama

Toddlers' Sleeping Problems and Not Sleeping

AuntieB: Here’s a situation from one of our readers:

My daughter is 28 months old. Her routine for naps is to eat lunch, use the potty, put on a red sleeping T-shirt and to go down for a two hour hap between 11:45 and noon. Recently, she had gone down for her nap fine, but instead of going to sleep peacefully as usual, she stays awake. She sings, talks, thrashes about the bed and sits up. She has one stuffed “sleep” teddy bear and a knitted blue blanket for covering and holding. Sometimes, she takes thirty minutes to an hour to settle down and sleep. Other times, she stays awake the whole two hour rest time. Once she fell out of bed trying to get over the low rails. What can I do to help her sleeplessness?

Number One: There is a cause. Determine that cause, and then you can address it. Two plus year olds are growing rapidly. Sometimes, our expectations of behavior jump ahead of their actual time and place in space.

You still have a baby turning little girl. Step back a little in time to an earlier period. Begin comfort measures and self-calming techniques to empower your daughter to take control again. She is ultimately responsible for her own self-calming to sleep.

What did you do at one year, one and a half and two years to help her calm down to sleep? Spend every naptime in a row reinstituting these techniques. Be Consistent. Soon she will fall back into the norm of calming down to sleep. Then, she will no longer require your help.

Toddlerhood extends up to three years of age. Expect setbacks. Deal with them and go on. Life is a struggle, especially for a two year old who is trying hard to become independent.

Some causes of sleeplessness:

• A change in routine. This is the number one cause.

Living Close to Family: A Personal Note from AuntyB

AuntieB: I grew up with my Granny up the hill in her little white frame house, and my Grandma and Aunt across the creek from our house.  It shaped my life.  I was in and out of their homes daily.

In the cold weather, I would warm my backside at Granny’s open gas heater just inside the front door. Grandma Bennett walked over every morning just to say hello and out the door again.

And, Aunt Ruthie always had time, every day, to see me.  We often had supper together or a cheese and cracker snack.  She played the piano for me, and we sang together.  Ruthie loved gardening, and I loved helping her.  One day, she was bitten by a snake and rushed over to Granny’s home.  Granny cut her finger and bled out the poison.

We all rolled together as a family unit, the child being a common denominator. I was that child. I felt loved by everyone and loved each one dearly.

Toddlers, Tantrums and Solutions

AuntieB: Here's the question from another reader:
My toddler runs down the hall, bounces on furniture, rolls on the floor and throws tantrums, screaming, waving arms and kicking legs. What can I do?

It's simple: GO OUTSIDE!
There is a great need in toddler development to exercise growing bodies and minds that are becoming passionately independent. The inner demand is for movement. When bound up too tightly by indoor limits and high expectations to conform to adult living, your child may throw a tantrum. Limbs and emotions pour out in a flailing frenzy that could have been channeled into more healthy outdoor play.

1. Gross motor is for outside.
2. Moving quietly and speaking gently is for inside.

Begun early, in the cradle, with both indoor quiet time and outdoor free play blanket time, the child starts on a clear path of acceptable behavior. Being loud and rowdy -- outside, and gentle and quiet indoors is dependent upon the parent. Children learn behavior directly from you.

If you want to laugh loudly, play and cavort with your child in the living room, then the message to the child imprints clearly that this is what is acceptable and expected indoors. Laughter equates with approval. If you laugh when your child bounces on a chair, goes for a wild twirling ride in a swivel chair or jumps up and down on the sofa, then the message is "This is okay, fun behavior." It doesn't seem so cute when it happens in someone else's' home. If fact, it isn't acceptable.

Manners and social behavior are learned. And, toddlers need desperately to move. How do I handle this? Just say: "I see you want to run down the hallway. Walk in the hall. I will take you outside to run."

It is the adult's responsibility to read the child's body language and cues. "Chairs are for sitting. If you want to bounce, let's go outside to your rocking horse or swing where you can bounce."

"You are climbing up on the sofa and standing up. Sofas are for sitting. Let's sit together on the sofa and read a book."

"You still want to climb. Let's go outside so you can go on your climber."

• Toddlers need to climb up, climb down, walk up / walk down hills, berms and ramps. They need to run -- grassy parks, beach, and playgrounds.
• They need to step over.

Toddlers Down the Drain — Water Safety

Grandmama: As I returned my granddaughter to her mother and father after a morning together, I noticed a terrifying safety concern on their subdivision street in front of their house: the storm culvert.

That deceptive slot in the curb snatches the lives of children, teenagers and pets every year. In my hometown of La Porte, Texas, a teen slipped into one in front of the high school. He drowned with his body recovered from Galveston Bay, where the drain exited.

A storm culvert is the drainage system designed to carry away rainwater, preventing flooding in your neighborhood. The curb entrances are most visible. However, storm sewers now commonly occur in beautifully mowed ditches -- where children might play.  The one at the high school was through a regular culvert, which provided access to the parking lot. This applies to all these, too.

That large slot includes a slope extending into the gutter, designed to scoop water in quickly. This trip hazard possesses enough clearance to fall into a large roughly finished hole, 6 - 12 feet deep.

A fall of that height may merely result in cuts, bruises and broken bones. It could also result in unconsciousness in a very small amount of standing water. It doesn't take much to drown. Some say two tablespoons, in the right circumstances.

Song and Dance: Music with Toddlers

AuntyB: If "sing!" is included in some of your toddler's first words, you know that music has made an impact from infancy. Songs are like toasted marshmallows over an open fire. They are comforting, personal, satisfying and sweet. Sing to your unborn child, sing to your infant, sing to your toddler. It is an endearing experience that introduces music to your child.

Music is both thrilling and exciting, serene and restful. It is another world that gives variety and fullness to life. Singing is the starting place. If you don't know any songs, find a toddler teacher and learn their circle time songs and motions.

Create your own circle time, car time or outdoor time daily where you sing with your child the same circle time songs. Have fun! In sharing this time (ten songs, at least), you have made a lifetime of memories for your child.

Gradually, sing at other times. Add songs that are your favorites: Gospel, Western, Rock and Roll, Folk.  Sung over and over daily, the child will sing with you and request them. (Of course, don't forget the going-to-sleep lullabies.)

Examples of Circle Time Songs:

• Here We are Together
• Itsy Bitsy Spider
• Hickory Dickory Dock
• I'm a Little Teapot
• Ten Little Indian Boys and Girls
• The Farmer in the Dell
• The Wheels on the Bus
• Mary had a Little Lamb
• Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
• Open, Shut Them

Some of my favorite "other" songs are:

Art Projects with Toddlers

AuntyB: During the last post, I spoke a little of my philosophy of art and drawing. Art is not limited to three crayons and a piece of paper. Here are several more suggestions. Others will occur to you as you and your child try out different media.

• Clay work is another table media. Demonstration of rolling to make balls and snakes is fun. They may experiment on their own from there. A blunt edged plastic knife is fun to cut up the clay. Note: fun!
• Prepainting skills can be done outdoors with a three-inch paintbrush and a bucket of water. Toddlers can "paint" walls, outdoor furniture and ride-on toys with paintbrush and water. Remember, it is the process that they love.
• Bubbles!  Try a plastic flyswatter with a shallow bin of soap solution. These are easy to dip, wave and create bubbles. It is fun,too. Art should be a happy experience that gives expression to the body's discovery to tactile capabilities.

Art in Your Toddler's Environment

AuntyB: Art brings richness to your child's day. Purely tactile learning at this age, they experience feel of the media and develop eye/hand coordination. The wonders of the process are intriguing.

Be sure to closely supervise your child to prevent all of those artistic efforts from spilling over on to walls, floors and other non-art places.

A separate small table and chair with blank paper that extends to all table edges is good for crayons. Start with three colors in a box. Toddlers usually choose one color for the complete work, making scribbling movements back and forth across the page.

The big arm movements and learning to hold the crayon are the sole interest. (Your toddler will color from edge to edge and right on to the table if it is not covered.) Eventually mastery to keep the work on the paper develops along with fine motor skills.

This activity has a beginning and an end. Your child will walk away when finished.

AuntyB Hint:

1. Tape paper to table to keep it from sliding around during boisterous arm movements.
2. Toddlers need normal-sized crayons. The larger ones are too big for their small fingers.
3. When the activity is complete, take away the used paper and replace with a clean sheet, which invites more work.

Toddlers and Photos — in Books and in Your Home

AuntyB: Children need an understanding of the real world before they are able to abstract into fantasy books or the world of animation. Be sure to provide a wide selection of books illustrated with real-life photos.

Additionally, family photos in unbreakable plastic coverings and wood frames should be a part of the young child's play environment.

• Hang these family pictures at the child's eye level.
• 8 by 10 inch photos are the best size so that the child can really see who is in the photo.
• When your toddler touches the photo, you have a chance to say, "That's Grandpa. He is at home in Houston." Lots of language develops this way. Also, the child will recognize long distance relatives when them come to visit.
• Update these photos on a regular basis, placing the retired pictures into an album for your toddler's use.

AuntyB Hint: Copies of snapshots may be made into satisfactory 8 by 10's at your local copy shop for as little as 99 cents.

Reading With Dad — Reading as a Part of Toddler's Night-time Transition to Sleep

AuntyB: A half or quarter hour, either after supper or before sleep, is a great together time with Dad. Instead of romping and having a boisterous exciting tumble on the floor, use this as a quiet-down time to read.

Dad gets to sit in his easy chair and relax while holding his toddler who is full from supper, tired from the day and in need of a relaxed, loving time before sleep.

Dad's deeper voice quietly reading helps the youngster to nestle down and just to be with his favorite  guy. Quiet talk resulting from the book helps the parent/child relationship to grow. It also reinforces the idea that reading is pleasurable and desirable.

Just writing of it brings a peace to me.

Grandmama: While lots of fun for Dad, the excitement of roughhousing does not tire a child out. It actually keys them up, making it harder for them to get to sleep. Save it for earlier in the day during an active play period.

I don't ever remember our Dad reading to me like that. But, I do, even now, hear his deep, low voice as he sat on the edge of my bed, telling me some of the events of his earlier life.

Never underestimate the power of your interest, Dad, in the life of your toddler. It lasts a lifetime.

Reading with Toddlers: Create the Moment

AuntyB: An environment that richly provides for your toddler's development doesn't come by accident. You can create a separate reading area for your toddler in a quiet corner.

Place a small softly cushioned toddler chair in the corner with a basket of six books nest to it. Your toddler will engage when ready, independently. Sitting and looking at books will become a part of their routine. Also, having a child-sized comfy chair in the living room makes the child a part of the family unit. It is great to be together with each person engaged in reading in his or her own comfortable spot. Toddlers move toward independence all of the time. There are times to sit together and times to be together while sitting apart.

Making Reading a Special Time for You and Your Toddler: